Thurs 26th August 2010
Happy Middle of Ramazan to you! It is officially the sixteenth day of 2010’s Ramazan period which means it is the halfway day. That is why I am writing this halfway through the halfway day at precisely 12o’clock midday. May as well mark the occasion properly.
Plus I wanted to let you know what it feels like to be in the middle of a day of fasting.
Spiritually, emotionally, I guess I feel pretty good. I am proving to myself that I do have a tiny chink of self-discipline and it feels great to be supporting Mustafa at this very important time in the Muslim calendar. There is also something in Wikipedia’s theory about ‘redirecting the heart away from worldly activities’. I am thinking more about who I am, what I want, whether or not I’m achieving any of it, rather than whether to have that extra biscuit and what time to have dinner. I might not be in conversation with Allah, but I am in conversation with myself. Which, funnily enough, I believe is where God exists anyway (I’m not proclaiming to actually be God, by the way, I think he, she, it, resides in everyone).
On the down side I am very, very hungry. Ever had a massive meal on an evening and then wondered why your tummy’s growling like nobody’s business the next day? A little thing called metabolism. When you give your body a truck-load of food, it starts processing it, breaking it down, getting ready for the next truck-load. But when said truck does not appear, the result is a deep emptiness and a tummy-growling that gets close to nausea. I do feel slightly sick as I write this but due to the keyboard-based activity I think I am safe from a black-out for now.
I will touch wood here, but I am also aware that I have been very lucky during this challenge because nothing bad has happened to me. Aside from my two year old being, well, a two year old, I have not had to cope with anything emotionally taxing. I’m not one for ifs, buts and maybes, but a crisis right now would really throw a spanner in the works. Do Muslims continue to fast if there is a family crisis, for example? I’d like to think that any calamity like that would make the whole Ramazan thing pale in comparison. Surely you’d be allowed a cup of tea and a good meal to keep your strength up? But having said that, I’m not feeling the divinity of all this and if they truly are, then maybe they find it in themselves to keep slogging on.
Once again, I am humbled by my husband who found out a week ago that his mum is in hospital with a heart attack. This is her fourth attack and apparently it was touch and go for a while, but she’s definitely on the mend now. Because of our prison-like situation here in the UK, it would be very, very difficult for us to go over there and be there for her. This breaks my heart so imagine how Mustafa feels. That man is a trooper. And he has carried on with Ramazan through it all. Can you believe that? He hasn’t even had a drink to calm his nerves. And the funny thing is, I just know his mum will be proud.
I am fairly certain that if (touching wood again) anything like that happened within my family, I would not find it in myself to continue with fasting. Granted, I am one of those people who goes off their food when things are rock bottom, but I know the value of a cup of sugary tea during hard times. Pretty priceless I would say.
Well, enough of the macabre talk. I’ve got more important things to focus on. Like how to fill the next eight and a half hours without filling my belly. Note to self from this morning: do not re-stock the biscuit tin whilst fasting. It’s just plain torture.
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